Sunday, October 2, 2011

More Sunday fun: things Rob Ryan can eat

In the annals of shit-talking gone wrong, few have been shittier and more embarrassed than Dallas Cowboys D-Coordinator Rob Ryan.  The portly, long-haired Cowboy coach's ill-advised, ignorant and ultimately incorrect assessment of of Lions star WR Calvin Johnson blew up in his face spectacularly today:
“We work against better receivers with Miles Austin and Dez Bryant,” Ryan said. “They are probably two of the premier receivers in football, but this guy is right there. He’s almost that good. He’s excellent.

“We’re going to get after him. I know he’s on some touchdown thing like that, whatever. [Detroit offensive coordinator] Scott Linehan has done this before with great receivers withRandy Moss. If the guy is as good as Randy Moss, I’m going to go in there and hide. Thank God he’s not, but he’s a pretty damn good player.” 
To be fair, Dallas' (inevitable) epic collapse is not entirely on the Cowboy DC who needs a haircut and some exercise.  Tony Romo (who I respect a ton for playing through a significant injury) made some bad throws, three of which were intercepted, two of which were returned for Lions TDs.  Additionally, in a key spot, Felix Jones dropped a pass in the two-minute drill that allowed the Lions to get fresh D-linemen in, which immediately caused a key sack.  Add to that the fact that on the final Dallas offensive play, the WR ran out-of-bounds well short of the first down...on fourth down. (which Joe Buck didn't seem to notice either, but really, who's surprised?)  Finally, it's unfair to act like the Lions aren't a very talented team with the potential to come back in a game like this.

Pictured:  Rob Ryan, relaxing at home
Still, the brunt of the blown 24-point lead and ultimately the loss falls on the considerably large shoulders of the Dallas DC.  How did the untalented, not-as-good-as-Randy-Moss Johnson fare today despite working with an inaccurate-for-some-reason Matthew Stafford?  How about eight catches for 96 yards and a record fourth straight game with two TD catches, one of which was the game-winner?  Besides the fact that blown coverages and overthrown passes could have meant more receptions for Megatron, CJ made the game-winning catch at a crucial moment when Dallas had TWELVE MEN ON THE FIELD.  Ryan's crew couldn't even defend Johnson (inexplicably in one-on-one coverage again!) when they were cheating!

Therefore, a brief list, in no particular order, of things Rob Ryan can eat:

  • His words
  • His foot
  • Coupons for free haircuts and weight loss programs
  • A bowl of dicks
  • The knowledge that he is responsible for a historic Dallas collapse
  • Everything at an all-you-can-eat buffet
Congrats, meanwhile, to the Lions on an excellent 4-0 start, proving the current regime is finally making the changes necessary to turn a floundering team around.


  1. Wowwww, what a game! I had to rewatch that play and you're right, 12 dudes and only one was on Megatron. That's just freakin' silly.

  2. He can't eat his foot...that's already on his brother's menu.